Unwanted crush!

Hi,
I live in a flatshare and have noticed recently that I’ve got a bit of a crush on one of my housemates……. It’s been in the back of my mind for a while but I didn’t really want to engage with it. If I’m honest there was a flicker of it when I moved in 1.5 years ago! But not in a big way. It’s more that it’s grown through getting to know the person.
He is also single, and sometimes I have a sense that there is something there that feels mutual, but I have no idea of course.
The issues for me are: we live together, I love my flatshare, it feels very stable, rent in London in sooo expensive & I don’t want to jeopardise any of that.
But also there is another element which is that he is shorter than me!! This might sound shallow, but I’ve never ever fancied anyone shorter than me and will admit to being pretty heightest… usually dating men over 6ft (and I’m also bisexual and tend to date women around my height too – I’m quite tall).
It’s so interesting because my feelings for him have expanded my sense of what attraction can look like. I’m attracted to his kindness, and honestly how right my nervous system feels when I’m around him – very calm, like it’s falling over backwards ha! I don’t often have that feeling in dating so that is interesting to me. But I also have some shame & prejudice around reverse height gap relationships which is interesting (given how far I’ve come in terms of owning my sexuality, I’d think I’d be more open minded!).
However the living situation part is really the big issue is. It’s funny because I don’t think I’d usually give something like this a chance if we weren’t living together, because of views around what I think my type is. But then at the same time it’s frustrating because I feel a bit stuck in this situation. It still feels early for me and I’m getting to know him and gathering info. But where can it go?! Im scared about jeopardising this living space.
My brain is saying, if you have this crush and it turns into more you will lose this home. And I don’t want that. But possibly black and white thinking!
Do you have any thoughts on how to proceed here?
I had also wondered if there was a world where I can enjoy this & see where it goes & gather info. And trust that things will unfold as they’re meant to. Almost see it as getting to know someone slowly. And know that I can handle any outcome (including rejection and moving).
But the flip side is it feeling frustrating & being impatient!
Thank you!

 

Answer:

 

First of all, it’s such a wonder how we prescribe ourselves a box for what ‘our type’ is, right? It’s even more of a wonder how we push back on anything that falls outside of that box because we think something…why is it uncomfortable for you to be attracted to a shorter man?

Secondly, what if, for now, you invited those feelings of attraction in for a chat instead of thinking that they’re wrong or unwanted and trying to push them away? What do you think hearing them out, and getting to understand them a bit better might do for you? Notice how the only action here is about getting to know yourself, and that you can lower the stakes a bit between secure housing and the opposite of that…