Unwillingness to move

Dear coaches,

I recently learned I was pregnant, and me and my boyfriend are totally happy about it. But we still live in different cities (ca 1,5 hours by train or 2,5 by car apart), me in a small studio flat, he in a flat share, which means we have to move in together soon and will have to find a new place to live in whichever city we choose. Jobwise we are both flexible enough (working from home is an option) to move away, but I really want to stay where I live now (my brother with his little children lives close by, as do all my friends, mostly also with children, so I have a great supportive net here). The problem is, this is a very expensive place where it’s hard to find something even if you have more money than us, whereas it would be easier to find an apartment in the (smaller) city where my boyfriend currently lives. It’s nice there, too, but I really don’t see myself living there. My boyfriend is willing to move here, but he fears we will not find an adequate place or might move out into the suburbs so far, that it doesn’t really feel as if we lived here anyway. I share that fear, but I don’t know what I am willing to compromise: Live in a shitty little flat far away from the inner city and all my friends here, or move to his city where we have a chance to get a reasonably nice flat in a more central area? Both do not sound great, and I am unsure how much I should fight for my dream of staying in the same city where I live now, even if it means compromising in terms of apartment size and location (and/or paying much more than we are comfortable with), or should I resign myself to moving away and concentrate on building a new home where it is much more reasonable to live comfortably without spending more than we can afford. I am guessing you won’t find “what SHOULD I do?” a great question and will rather ask me what I WANT… But what if I can’t get that?

I would love if you could guide me to look at my situation differently, because at the moment it seems like a lose-lose-situation. Thank you!

 

Answer:

What if you can get exactly what you want? Instead of sitting and thinking of all the reasons you can’t have it or it might be hard to find, put it in your result line and start taking action. Be very specific. You said you need a new place “soon.” Give yourself a date. You may want it to be before the baby comes, or it could be after. Newborns don’t need much. Families all over the world live in small spaces just fine. Families also live in expensive places and make it work. Instead of using your imagination to create a lose-lose scenario, work on your belief. The universe totally has your back.

C: place to live

T: Finally, what thought will create this feeling?

F: second: how will you need to feel to get what you want

A: third: list all the things you can do to find your home when you are feeling this way. Be specific. How many places will you call/per week,?how many people will you tell you are looking for a place?What will your morning belief routine look like? What will you stop doing?

R: Start here: describe the exact living situation you want and when you’ll get it by.

See what comes up as you allow yourself to believe you can have anything you want. Bring back your model or any questions.