Up-levelling Part 2

Original Q:
My uplevelling goal for this month has been to exert B- level effort on a particular work task which takes over the month. Its always been intense and exhausting because of the tight turnaround deadline (exam marking). The win is that my effort level on said task has shifted from A+++ to B- so well done me! What I didn’t factor in is that the team working on this task with me would bring a C- to D- level attitude/approach to the task i.e. not meeting deadlines and generally being demanding and unappreciative of my efforts to help them. Result: I ended up feeling exhuasted and frustrated anyway which is the result I didn’t want. What I wanted was to get the job done on time but with less songs and bells (feedback) than I would usually provide so I could keep the task to no more than 9 hours a day. It turned out not to be just about the hours but also the energy it cost me in holding the boundaries related to getting them to do their work. I have a week left on this task. What can I learn from this about how I can manage tasks more effortlessly when they involve colleagues who I ‘manage’ especially when (tight) deadlines are involved. The working environment is difficult right now with redundancies etc. and I do want to be and am a supportive colleague/team manager but not at cost to myself which feels like has been the case for a long time. So this is not just about up-levelling but also self-concept shifting from ‘I am someone who gets the job done’ to ‘I am someone who puts her wellbeing first whilst getting things done (effortlessly)’. Any thoughts/tips on getting to that uplevelled selfconcept would be great. Thanks.

Answer:
Congratulations on achieving your goal and isn’t it curious what arises when we pursue a goal? Here’s to the next phase! Self-management is one thing, self-management in group dynamics is another, and both of those things feed into the group dynamics.
I’m curious about what you think managing tasks more effortlessly when it involves colleagues means to you? If your team was acting exactly in the right way in your mind, what would be different?

Part 2 Q:
What would be different is that colleagues would just do their job, follow basic policy requirements and ideally (but not necessarily) be thankful for my assitance and encouragement rather than hierarchical approach. That would already make my role more effortless. However, I know as Robin recently reminded me in coaching expecting people/adults/colleagues to be ‘competent’ is a thought error. So effortless in that context would be to accept that colleagues/teams won’t necessarily be made up of people bringing their competent/adult selves to the team and even when I take into account ‘life’ happening for them I probably need to take responsibility for my feelings of resentment rather than expecting them to change. I am doing that through breathwork, swimming etc. letting it go and being more boundaried around the extent of accommodations I will make. It feels hard but I guess uplevelling my self concept is going to feel uncomfortable, hard and actually emotionally painful due to feeling unseen and unappreciated as a kind, decent team manager….

Answer:

Robin! What a nugget of wisdom she gave – adults are humans, and not everyone of them is going to show up giving even a B- effort – it can be a hard pill to swallow. And it would be SO EXCELLENT if everyone just did what we wanted them to do, right?! You’re brain is in the right camp about taking responsibility for your feelings and thoughts.

This might be a chance to do an evaluation of how you moved through this experience with your team so you can identify the lessons you’re wanting to take with you.

What went well? What didn’t go well? What would you do differently next time? What support do you need to do that?

Keep the focus on you and bring it back to us so we can continue coaching on this.