Upset About Something I Witnessed

Hi Coaches,

Today while I was on my usual walk I witnessed something really upsetting.

I heard these two kids yelling at each other. When they went past I saw it was a boy and a girl and the boy called the little girl a bitch.

I got very upset. They were travelling so fast I didn’t have time to intervene in any way.

I left the situation feeling very heavy and sad. I was called a bitch by boys growing up, even my own brothers. And I feel angry and in defeated.

I thought about taking this information somewhere. I thought about posting to the local community Facebook group and saying what I saw and raising some awareness for how girls are being treated. But I feel really scared. I feel like someone is going to come after me or harass me. I don’t know what I should do. This situation really triggers me. My partner was there also and he’s really upset.

We don’t have kids and we aren’t even a part of this community. It feels like such a big violation that I have to be exposed to other children being mistreated after everything I’ve lived through.

Recently I took some steps in my own life to confront my brother and sister-in-law because I witnessed them abuse my niece. My niece was very very close to me. I wasn’t able to meet a resolution. They told me that I was overreacting and that what I was sharing was an opinion and my own mental health issue that I was projecting onto them. But the truth is, as a survivor of childhood abuse I know exactly what abuse is. Also, I have been working years on my healing and I am keenly aware of when my trauma is triggered. Just as someone who survived a car crash would know what a car crash is, I know what childhood abuse is.

I told my brother I couldn’t keep him in my life if I wasn’t going to be heard and listened to. It re-traumatizes me watching my niece be abused.

I’ve been working through this for a couple weeks now. My partner was very close with my niece also and he is devastated.

I feel pretty sick. It’s very overwhelming to witness children being harmed.

I’ve been working to immigrate to Norway and I just want to leave. I don’t have a visa or a plan yet but I really want to leave Canada.

Any support or reflection would be greatly appreciated.

Answer:

Whenever you notice a trigger or nervous system activation coming up, be extra gentle with yourself. What tools do you have to help yourself through this situation? How can you use what you’re experiencing to make change in yourself, your community and/or your family?

What if you’re not overreacting?

When you feel able, do some exploring around leaving. Leaving uncomfortable situations. Leaving Canada. What’s going on for you? What are your reasons for leaving? Do you like them?  See what comes up and bring it back for more coaching.

Bonus assignment: It’s easy for the brain to get fixated on the “problems” in your community. Challenge yourself to intentionally look for the good that is there, too. What are some glimmers you notice?