Upset About Something I Witnessed Part 2

Hi Coaches,

Thank you for your reflection. I answered your prompts below!

What tools do you have to help yourself through this situation?

– I have ask a coach
– I have my therapist
– I can reach out to a friend
– I can journal
– I can exercise
– I can use thought work to help calm me
– I can take action and not minimize what happened or convince myself it wasn’t a big deal ( this one feels most important )
– I can remind myself I’m not stuck here and I can leave and choose something differently

How can you use what you’re experiencing to make change in yourself, your community and/or your family?

In community: I don’t feel part of this towns community. I don’t feel valued or respected by canadian culture. I don’t see my values reflected in any of the politics of policies. In community, I feel my role is to protect myself and be outside the community, in the alternative community I have built for myself where I know that I won’t be abused.

In myself: I can choose to leave. I can choose to speak up. I don’t have to be made uncomfortable by witnessing abuse. I can speak up and I don’t have to carry harm with me, I don’t have to accept it as normal. If this becomes too much I can leave.

In relationship: with my partner I can make sure that we are always treating each other with dignity and kindness and not participating in or recreating the harmful patterns of relating canadian culture has normalized.

What if you’re not overreacting?

I don’t feel like I’m overreacting. I often say to my partner, if it was anything other than child abuse, no one would expect me to live here and be okay. If it was a war or a genocide it would be absolutely understood that I would not want to live here. That even, I would leave and never come back here.

When you feel able, do some exploring around leaving. Leaving uncomfortable situations. Leaving Canada. What’s going on for you?

Here’s what comes up:
I don’t believe it is possible to live here and not be affected by what is happening. I want to be an ally to myself and trust myself when I feel like living here is not good for me. I don’t want to be around it. I wanna be in a different culture. I don’t want the everyday reminders. I don’t want to see pick up trucks and hear them roar. I don’t want to feel afraid. I don’t want to feel like a second class citizen. I don’t want to feel like I can’t go out on my own. I don’t want to be reminded that I’m not valued by my country. I don’t want to be worried for my future. I don’t want to be worried when I go out for what I might see. I don’t want my whole life to be here. I don’t want to put down roots. I don’t want to give my time to improving things here. I feel failed by this country and culture. I feel owed a big IOU. I want to have boundaries with a place and culture that caused me years of harm and violence. I want to say a big F*** y** to canada. I want to leave and be vocal about what happened in canada. I can leave and try something different. Maybe it’s not forever but I deserve a break from this. I don’t want to shrink and make myself small in order to have a small sliver of safety, to accept a smaller version of my life. I’ve tried to take up space here and play it big and it triggers me and has caused my trauma. It feels way to difficult and uncomfortable.

In almost every way Norway was different than here. The safety I feel there is incredible. I see my values reflected and for the areas that I don’t I actually feel hope that I could speak up and challenge them without facing violence. In Norway I don’t have to fight for space.

What are your reasons for leaving? Do you like them?

I do! I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect myself to live here after how I’ve been treated.

The only thing that comes up is, what if I can’t make PR work abroad. What if it’s very difficult. What if I fail.

And I feel sad to not live near my friends. And I feel tired of moving.

Bonus assignment: It’s easy for the brain to get fixated on the “problems” in your community. Challenge yourself to intentionally look for the good that is there, too. What are some glimmers you notice?

I see glimmers all the time. I think that’s what has made leaving difficult. I see beauty all over nature. And I love my friends. But then I see the violence. Whether it’s deforestation or road kill. Domestic violence. It upsets me.

I’ve been keeping a gratitude Journal. I love picking wildflowers and making flower essences.

I also love the women who support me! Who have witnessed what I’ve gone through and want a different life for me. All of whom work in alternative medicine, who have been brave in challenging the cultural and asking for more!
I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for their care and support and love. I feel very grateful for them

Answer:

It sounds like you like your reasons for wanting to leave and you can get behind yourself when it comes to leaving Canada. In what ways is this the right time for you to leave? Is there any reason that is it not the right time to leave? What, if anything, is keeping you from making, or starting to make the change? If you could envision what this transition could be like for you, where do your dreams take you?

Your reflections throughout the post go deep – both knowing what’s available to and for you, how you can rely on the people in your corner, and identifying your opportunities for change. Where are you now with this?