Upset About Something I Witnessed Part 3

Hi Coaches,

Please see my responses to your questions below:

Where are you now with this?

I realized I was really angry and tired when I wrote my last response. I am really tired of being exposed to sexism in canada, and… I want to take care of myself. I don’t need to run or flee. I am prioritizing my wellbeing and I did speak out about what happened. And I am choosing differently. I haven’t committed to staying here and it takes time to leave. I want to give myself grace to make this transition at a pace that feels loving and supportive. I don’t want to rush this.

Is there any reason that is it not the right time to leave?
Yes. My capacity feels somewhat limited lately because of the trauma work I’ve been doing.

In what ways is this the right time for you to leave?
I’m not sure exactly when the right time will be. I have organized a rental for another month here for June, but as summer arrives and the market for short-term rentals gets busy, I’m not going to hustle to stay here. I want to give myself time to plan the next steps without having to rush but a part of me also doesn’t want to be here all summer.

What, if anything, is keeping you from making, or starting to make the change?
Well, I love the idea of moving to Norway but the visa process here requires an intermediary agency to apply called VFS and they have really horrible reviews. I’ve decided I don’t want to work with them for the visa so I haven’t pursued a Norway visa. However, I’ve applied for a Denmark visa before and I really enjoyed the process. I like that I can apply while I’m in the country and apply to the embassy directly.

Fear. I think fear. I’m afraid I’m not going to find a rental abroad or my visa won’t come through. I’m worried I’ll get overwhelmed with the planning and it will take away from my other goals. I’m nervous I won’t have what I need where I’m going. I’m worried I’ll run out of money and won’t have anyone to fall back on. I’m worried I won’t find a furnished rental with a comfy bed. I’m worried I won’t like where I go. I’m worried I’m going to miss the access to nature here. I’m worried that I’m going to lose contact with the person I am here. I’m worried it will be so much change that it will trigger me and I’ll revert back to coping.

If you could envision what this transition could be like for you, where do your dreams take you?

I like the idea of a slow transition. Like giving myself 2 months to move. I like the idea of looking for a rental and not compromising, looking around until I find somewhere I’m excited to stay. I like the idea of being flexible and taking care of myself along the way. I want to do more visioning around this and see what else is there, because I haven’t felt very inspired lately about going. I like the idea of doing some research, maybe looking beyond the city. Looking at photos and seeing where calls to me. I like the idea of doing a vision board! I like the idea of moving end of July or early august! Catching some summer and being there for the fall. The more I think about it the more I feel like this is right and I feel more excited. I’d like to plan it in such a way that I take care of myself along the way so I’m not becoming overwhelmed or leaving myself stranded without a plan in place.

Answer:

It sounds like you’re right where you need to be. You have a vision. You know what you want. Start taking action.  Focus on what you can control. Focus on what you can do. There will be a lot of unknowns, until you figure them out. What do you think would be most helpful when your brain starts dwelling on the “what ifs” and worries?  How can you support your nervous system when it is naturally fearful of not having safe shelter or other basic needs?

What thoughts and feelings will help you during this transition?