Using the Self coaching model

Hey!

So I’ve been in TFC just a month now and am struggling a little with using the Self coaching model. Please can i get some help with it?

So i am going to try it on this situation:

Circumstance – Had an argument with my husband about paying for our house renovations

Thought – The only way i know how to fix this problem is for me to go back to work in London full time which i don’t want to do as it means i will be away too much .

Feeling/Emotion- Frustration, Anger, Despair, Upset, Hoplessness

Action – (This is the bit I’m stuck with!!) – Is this a list of actions i could take? like…..
A)”Start making calls about available jobs in London” or
B)”talk with my husband about our options”
C) “Ask family if they can loan us some money” etc?

Result – Stuck with this bit too!

Thanks so much for your help.

Answer:

We are SO glad you’ve come to AAC for help on this! Nice job with your go at this model. Let’s start from the top…
C: This line is as neutral as it gets Words with husband about paying for house renovations
T: Keep this line to one statement The only way I know how to fix this problem is for me to go back to work in London full time
F: Choose one Despair
A: What do you do when you feel despair? What don’t you do?
R: Stay in black and white thinking pattern that this is the only way to solve the problem
Models work best when they’re simple. This doesn’t mean that you can’t have more than one thought or feeling about the same issue, it just means that you’re becoming acutely aware of how one thought affects you and whether you are okay with that. Actions B and C that you created belong in different models…perhaps stemming from the thought, “Maybe there’s more than one way to pay for this renovation.”
I can see in your model that you don’t think that going to London is the ONLY way to pay for this…explore the gray area more. What comes up for you there? Does any particular thought or idea create a feeling of curiosity or relief for you? Come back to us when you’re ready for more coaching.