Wedding planning thoughts

Hi coaches

My fiancé and I have been engaged for about 7 months. I thought I’d jump to start planning as soon as we got engaged (we’d been talking about this for a while) as I have always been so excited about marrying him. But I haven’t even started to think about the planning and I know its from a place of avoidance, and it isn’t because I don’t want to marry him – I am so, so delighted and excited to on this journey with him and to become his wife and step into our next chapter together…

…I just have so many limiting thoughts about the wedding that I keep putting off the planning.

I have had a lot of ending friendships, deaths and family separations over the last few years. I had always imagined I’d have a big wedding with all of my family and lots of friends there. But this isn’t a possibility as those people are no longer in my life. I know there is a lot of grief around this still.
My partner has a big family, and close friends, and they all spend a lot of time together and enjoy each others company. I am so happy for him for having this amazing community which are so loving towards me, too, and I am excited to be part of their family

However, I have noticed I have a sense of shame / embarrassment that his wedding guest list will be significantly larger than mine, and I honestly don’t know who I want to invite other than my immediate family. This seems very off balance. I think I also have a huge sense of disappointment because all the times I have pictured my wedding day it has always involved a lot of my family and friends, and his, and them all having a wonderful merry time together.

We’re also not in a place financially to spend a lot on this ceremony, which I think is good that we have a tight budget because the cost of weddings is ridiculous, but again, there is a sense of disappointment there too. I think I had always just assumed by the time I was in a situation in my life where I was in a committed relationship and engaged, I’d also be finically very stable – I don’t know where this narrative came from but I think it has something along the lines of: being engaged means being ‘a grown up’ and therefore that immediately means money in the bank, a house, a dog, etc. Laughable, I know.

I want to approach my wedding from a place of joy and connection and allowing it to be a beautiful, soulful celebration of love, without these underlying thoughts – hence why I want coaching to clear the decks so I can start planning from an intentional place.

Thank you.

 

 

Answer:

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, whenever it happens  🙂

Byron Katie says “when you argue with reality, you lose. But only 100% of the time.” The story you have written is full of sincere questions and feelings, but read it back and notice how many times you are wishing things were different than they are. That’s where much of your suffering is coming from, which we also call dirty pain.

It’s ok to allow some sadness, grief and disappointment over the circumstances of your wedding. I would encourage you to do that. Don’t talk yourself out of it. You are still allowed to be sad about your family AND love his family. That’s clean pain and it’s good. Allowing it will move you forward.

Make peace with where you are and the decisions you’ve made so far. One of those decisions is not to plan the wedding yet. This is not a problem. Love yourself exactly where you are and then you’ll be able to get to work creating what you really want which you described so beautifully in your last paragraph.