What in my relationships needs to go, shift, or get refreshed?

Dear AAC,
this question resonated most with me and I apply it to all relationships, private and professional ones.
What stands out to me is that I´m still in a pattern of people pleasing and hiding behind a mask, not standing up for myself or just disappearing alltogether when it would be time to have a tough conversation and be clear on how I´m feeling, what I expect, what I need and what doesn´t work for me in a given context. AKA communicating my preferences, boundaries and dealbreakers.
Digging deeper, this is linked to an old fear of not being enough, not being part of the group unless I hustle my way in, having to do x to be liked, etc.
My conscious mind shouts “bullshit”, yet I acknowledge that this is deep programming and I´m following a track layed out by both of my parents, which has not served them (or anyone past the 1970s, really).

What made me pick this? I´m tired of following this self-defeating programming and I am done with it. Also, I´m done with accepting the toll this behaviour took on my body in terms of stagnation and all the issues that come from that.

I´m having an intense fear of rejection when thinking about hard conversations. Do you have suggestions on how to tackle this effectively?

Answer:

First, you get to decide if a conversation is “hard” or not. Do a few models and see if this story serves you. You can keep it, just be intentional if you do.

Second, we would offer that you pick ONE very specific conversation you feel needs to be had. Do some exploring, a thought download and models. See what comes up. See what your first step will be in moving towards the conversation. Sometimes you just need to get moving. Yes, you can clean up your own thoughts and look at your fear of not being enough (which most humans have always and forever to some degree) but notice if you are using thought work as a way to not take action.

Are you willing to be uncomfortable? Are you willing to feel the feelings that might come up from having the conversation more than you are willing to continue feeling stuck? Show yourself that you can do this. Show your brain that you won’t die even if you get rejected. There’s power there.

What do you think?