Work anxiety

Hello,
First time asking a coach and TFC newbie here.
I struggle with anxiety around my work – teaching group Pilates classes – often feeling like an imposter and fearing that I will forget what to teach or go like a rabbit in the headlights when everyone is looking at me. I run my own business, teaching my own community based classes which I teach from hired halls. No matter how many years I’ve been doing this, nearly 7 years now, I still get similar anxiety every week, especially before my first class of the week. After class I often feel tension headaches and will ruminate on how the class went. I perhaps try too hard to accommodate all types of people in my groups, and then tie myself in knots trying to keep the class flowing and challenging enough for the able bodied members whilst dashing about giving individual support and alternatives to those who struggle in certain positions. I then overthink about whether the class was too hard for some people or too easy for others.
Today I woke as usual with anxiety and decided to have my first go at a model.

Unintentional model

C: Tuesday morning, first working day of the week
T: it’s Tuesday so here comes my anxiety
F: anxious, frustrated
A: I spend a lot of the day thinking about it
A: I am distracted, unable to fully enjoy my time with my children before/ after school
A: I imagine/ picture myself going blank
R: A day blighted by anxiety and overthinking

Intentional model

C: Tuesday morning, first working day of the week
T: Teaching is just one part of my day, I don’t need to obsess over it
A: enjoy my morning routine with the girls and the nursery and school drop offs
A: I spend a short amount of time (max 30 mins) creating a rough outline of the class. I plan the warm up, a few key exercises and the final stretches. Knowing once those are in place I have enough and I can fill the rest while teaching.
A: I relax fully while having my ‘chill time’ in front of the tv when my daughter naps
R: I’m in a calmer state, which allows me to enjoy my day and go to teach from a calmer more connected place.

I am interested in any insight you have that comes from how I have described my situation, or any questions to ponder. I’d also like feedback on my models. It felt too far a stretch to have an intentional thought like ‘I love teaching and I’m looking forward to it’ – but that is the point I’d like to get to. With an intentional model – should we only write down the actions and results once we have been testing out thinking the intentional thought? Or is it ok to do as I did, and write out the actions and the results that I think would result from the new thought?

I look forward to any insight
Stephanie

 

 

Answer:

Welcome! First questions are so fun. Your models look good. It’s normal to feel like our intentional model is out of reach. That’s ok. The space between the models is where the growth happens.  You are making your anxiety mean something is going wrong, but what if it’s not a problem? This is your reality at present. Fighting reality always brings suffering. Acceptance and compassion bring peace. Imagine a life where you feel some anxiety before each class and you do it anyway. You wake up on class days with sensations in your body and you just said “hello, anxiety. I see you.” and go about your day. You don’t make the anxiety mean anything. It doesn’t get to drive the car, but it’s allowed the ride along.

What comes up for you when you imagine that? There is no right answer, just be curious and see what comes up when you stop trying to get rid of the anxiety and just allow it to stay.

We don’t normally coach on the Action line, but I wonder why after 7 years of teaching you think you need to have a new routine each class. How could you make your outlines easy? How could you think differently about repeating?