Work colleague

I would love some coaching regarding the relationship I have with a work colleague. We share an office and I generally like her. We went out together a couple of times and it was nice. However, I have the impression that the dynamics between us have changed recently. First of all, she is very talkative and I am generally a more quiet / introverted person. I also have a lot on my plate at the moment so I really want and need to focus when I’m at work (we do spend our lunch break together but I can’t afford to talk all the time before and after our lunch). I think this has created some tensions between us. In addition, I feel like she always shares her problems / feelings with me without considering how it makes me feel. For example, we went to dinner once and she only talked about her problems at work. And, finally, she started to exclude me from things (e.g. not telling me which train she and other colleagues were gonna take), cut me off at meetings, etc. But at the same time she sometimes acts like we’re super close and that she cares for me – also in front of others. And this all feels so unnatural, forced and false, so I don’t feel like joining in. Then I worry that I appear as impolite and selfish. I honestly don’t enjoy interacting with her anymore – when we’re alone or when others are around us. What I find most triggering is that she acts like she’s supportive etc. in front of others, but excludes me in subtle ways others don’t immediately see. I’m not sure where to start with a model. I also don’t want to think too much about it because it takes up so much energy.

C: My relationship with my work colleague
T: I decide how I behave around her
S: space in my chest
A: I continue to be friendly
A: I try not to take it personally when I feel excluded
A: I nurture relationships with people who support me
A: I think about things (at work) that I’m grateful for
R: less (inner) tension

I would appreciate any feedback. thank you!

 

Answer:

 

This is a great intentional model. I wonder if the R line is more like this: I love/like/feel proud of the decisions I make about how I am behaving when I’m around her. What do you think?

What, if anything, do you think is between where you are now and the intentional model you’ve created here? What do you have to start doing/feeling/thinking, and stop doing/feeling/thinking to lean into your intentional model?