Working and parenting

I’d like some help unpicking this model, my son has recently started school and my youngest two days per week at a childminders. They are both settling well but I’m struggling to accept the situation and process my feelings around it.

UM
C: working and being a mum
T: I should be doing pick up and drop off everyday/ have more days at home with youngest
F: guilty
A: go over decisions we’ve made re childcare and work days, feel the need to over compensated by being a perfect parent the rest of the time
R: I’m arguing with the reality I chose

UM
C: working and being a mum
T: work should be something I have to do
F: pressure
A: overwork, put pressure on my work to be perfect in order to justify time away from my kids, feel guilty for time away from them spent not working
R: I make my experience of work unenjoyable

I’m sitting in my UM as there’s some emotions I need to process before moving onto IM

 

 

Answer:

Why is it a problem that you are not doing pick up and drop off everyday/ have more days at home with youngest? What are you making it mean? Do a thought download. Write out what you are afraid of, what you think the consequences might be and what you think about yourself for choosing to have them in childcare. Just let it all out so you can see what’s really happening. no judgment, no editing.

After you’ve got your list of thoughts, take a step back and look at them objectively. See which ones are true, which ones serve you and which ones don’t. Notice the results you are creating by thinking this way by putting some thoughts into models.

Guilt isn’t necessary even though the world tells us #mumguilt is just a given. Allowing yourself to grieve the time you aren’t able to spend with your children is available. What would be different if you chose grief instead of guilt? See what comes up as you explore this and bring back any models or questions.