Working through anger with family pt 2

Thank you so much for getting back to me. I needed to take a while to think about my answers to the questions you asked in response to my first ask a coach.
I’ve been finding it had to put words to my feelings.

I’ll start with the second part of your question as it is easier for me to notice where in my body I am holding anger.
I feel it in my chest and solar plexus going up my throat. My jaw clenches. my shoulders hunch. I find it harder to breathe and I can’t think clearly, words become inaccessible.
Essentially I feel angry because I feel like they don’t accept me. Occasionally I am myself and speak my mind with them but it is met with disbelief, exasperaterbation, hurt or anger. The rest of the time I don’t have the energy to look after their feelings bas well as my own so I keep my mouth shut and am just angry with myself for not saying anything.
I have been placed in the role of ‘the glue of the family ‘the carer. And while I do care I don’t want that role and when I step out of it they are insulated (insulated is the actual word my sister has used) .
I am hurt and angery that I have held space for them and cared for them, but when I needed that in return they took it as an insult
I am hurt and angry because they have moved on with lifes during the past two, almost three years of lockdown, but not made space for me to be a part of it.
I hope this answers your question. Just writing this makes my head cloud over and it’s hard to think clearly.

 

Answer:

You are hurt and angry because of the way you are thinking. It’s that simple. Whenever you feel resentment towards people it is a red flag that you are not taking care of yourself. You are not taking responsibility for your part in all of this. And it’s ok that you haven’t. We don’t beat ourselves up for that. But we also don’t carry the hurt, anger and resentment with us moving forward if we don’t want to.

It looks like you feel stuck between two options: speak my mind and the family is upset or keep my mouth shut and I’m upset.

What if there were another option where you get to feel good about how you are showing up, and you allow them to react however they want and don’t let it affect you? When you don’t feel so cloudy, take some time to journal this out and see what you come up with.