Working With a Challenging Family

Hi there!

I have a model that I would love help with–this will be my first one actually!

[Context in my job I am required to hold monthly parent-teacher conferences in which I have information that I need to convey and also information that I need to gather from the parent.]

C: Parent was working in the kitchen/washing dishes/and walking in and out of the room during our Zoom parent-teacher conference.
T: I am not being heard.
F: Agitated, defensive
A: Got defensive, spoke over her, spoke assertively, was not compassionate, made bold assertions.
R: Perpetuated the adversarial relationship dynamic that she and I have.

I feel like the logical answer would have been to reschedule but it had already taken weeks to get this appointment scheduled and we were nearing our deadline for holding it.

C: Parent was working in the kitchen/washing dishes/and walking in and out of the room during our Zoom parent-teacher conference.
T:
F: Grounded, confident
A:
R: I can show up as my best self regardless of her behavior.

I am not sure what to write for the thoughts or actions line right now.

Thank you for your help with this!

 

 

Answer:

Hooray for first models! You’ve done a wonderful job looking at this situation with curiosity. I would offer to you to stick with the Circumstance line a bit longer. Right now it is not neutral in your mind, it is negative. Notice how that negativity is even sneaking into your intentional model’s result.

Do a thought download on all the things you think about her and her behavior. Have no judgement of yourself, no thought is off limits. Let yourself write an entire page without picking up your pen and without stopping.  You can burn this paper after you’re done. Once you’ve let all of that out, really look at what she did like a scientist observing from the other side of the room. Notice what happened factually. You don’t have to love what this parent was doing, but taking out the meanings your brain is offering you will help you when you are ready to move to an intentional model. There’s no rush. This parent is going to be such a good teacher for you.

See what comes up as you do this work and bring back your models and any questions for more coaching.