Worrying about a friend

I am worrying about a friend. She struggles with mental health – depression and anxiety – and is going through an extra long dip. She is not fully open with friends, family and work. She is scared of losing her job she is agreeing to unrealistic workload and then not achieving the work – while really struggling and not putting herself first – she ended up in hospital because of this. She doesn’t answer the phone or WhatsApp messages for long periods of time so I don’t know full extent of what is going on. I would like to help but don’t know what to do. I don’t want to pressure her into communicating more (perhaps she really can’t) but i worry when I don’t know if she is ok

 

 

Answer:

Worry feels really useful to your brain, but it never really makes a situation better. Your brain wants to tell you that your worry is proof of how much you care about your friend. That makes you feel good about yourself even in the discomfort you’re experiencing. We think we want our loved ones to feel better for their own sake, but really it’s because if they felt better then we could feel better. How could that be true for you?

If you did know the full extent of what’s going on, how would you get to feel?

If you did know exactly what to do, what would it be? How do you want to show up as a friend?

Your friend is an adult. she doesn’t need to respond to your messages or let you know what’s going on. She doesn’t need to put herself first or take it easy at work. You also are an adult and you have the model. You don’t need your friend to change her behaviour so you can feel better. You get to decide what you want and then create it. Instead of imagining worst case scenarios, use the model to help you as you support your friend and you with lots of love and patience.

C: Last message response was x date and time

T: what do you want to think about this?

F: how do you want to feel?

A: how would you show up if you believed your thought and were in your preferred feeling

R: what is YOUR result?